The Importance of Boundary Setting

Judging another doesn't define who they are, it defines who you are. 

~Anonymous

Human connection is what drives this merry-go-round. When you have someone in your corner, someone who unconditionally loves, respects and supports you, the sky's the limit if you can get out of your own way.

However, more often than not, especially for us older souls, finding that kind of solid connection can be exasperating. Most especially because we are so inclined to be empathetic, not judge, and be accepting of others because we naturally take the Golden Rule to heart. Time and again we will treat others as we wish to be treated, but seldom is that reciprocated on a deep level. 

When you are on a self-love journey and strive to align your thoughts and behaviors with love rather than fear, chances are you are surrounded by others who don't understand what that means and rule their lives with fear. 

One of the most passive-aggressive demonstrations of fear is judgment. People judge when they don't understand, when they feel insecure, when they are angry. Essentially, chronic judgment of others is a clear indication of someone who is not self-loving, and it hurts not only themselves but those around them.

That could be you. 

Sometimes that judgment is very obvious and can be identified by the intensity of energy behind it that makes you feel like you've been struck across the face. More often than not, however, it's very subtle and covert. 

Often times judgment from others who mean well and think they are being supportive, comes in the form of unsolicited advice. They will tell you what you should do in your life, in your business, in your relationships when what they are really saying is that they have judged you to be ________. You can fill in the blank with whatever comment they make that demonstrates their projection on to you rooted in their own fear.

They will project whatever insecurities they have of themselves as they say you are too something or tell you to do this or that, or stop being whatever way makes them uncomfortable for whatever reason. Have you ever been told that you do not love yourself when you're doing everything you can to do just that? That can be so damn infuriating because you know you are more self-loving than they are just by virtue of you never even thinking of telling them that they are unself-loving. 

This doesn't make those who judge bad people, just scared people with little to no awareness around their fear. You gaining awareness of the insidious methods of displaying fear-filled thinking that many people use allows you to set more consistent and secure boundaries against those who would say things that would take you off course.

You following your life purpose is vastly important not just for your own well-being, but for those around you. Yet people get so funny about others stepping out of thier comfort zones to follow their passion. They need you to stay down with them so they don't even have to think about what it would look like to truly love who they are, align their thoughts and behaviors with love and let go of whatever fear holds them back.

They would rather take you down than let you grow. 

It's not a judgment, but it is an observation of the human ego that we are all susceptible to fear and fearful actions that will hold not only ourselves back, but those we never intended to hold back.

To be aware of one's own ego and its intentions to block love is the first step in self-love. To be aware of another's intentions to block your love with their fear is the next. 

Setting boundaries against those who don't understand what unconditional love looks like or how to give it to you to support your self-love journey is truly important to you following your purpose.

The subtle ways in which other's judgments of you can undermine your progress is scary, and too often not even seen other than in hindsight, when often it's too late.

Don't let that happen to you.

Judgments are a very powerful method used by the ego to take you off course. You can become aware of your own judgments and shift them toward love, but you can't control others judging you other than to not give them the space, time or power to do so.

If you sense this is happening with anyone in your sphere, chances are you won't be able to talk reason to them. They won't see it and it will just give them more opportunity to intefere with your self-love journey and intentions to follow your purpose. You'll need to decide how overtly or covertly you back away, but do so in as loving a way as you can that serves you and serves your purpose, because we are all better off when you do. 

Much Love,

Carin